Albany: A City to Poop On!

 I’m angrier than Cupid with a soiled diaper over this one right here.  You see, yesterday, Region Two finals were held at the MVP Arena, which is right here in Albany, New York.  I’m mere minutes away from what happened yesterday.  The reason that I am so angry is that someone didn’t say what was said last night.

Indeed, ESPN announcer Rebecca Lobo said something that will likely offend most Albanians, but it doesn’t offend me at all.  During the women’s basketball game, right there on live TV, Lobo said, “…good luck finding something to do in Albany!”

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog would say, “Albany!  A boring city…for me to poop on!”  Indeed, Albany is a festering sewer all around.

Of course, the local newspaper The Times Union and the local ABC affiliate jumped right on it as did quite a few national media outlets.  A lot of twits on X also jumped on it, but I don’t give a &*&! what they think, especially given that I no longer have any social media profiles and I’m not going to re-register just to see what a bunch of nobodies think.

The reason that I’m not offended by Lobo’s comment is that she is absolutely right.  Albany’s only saving grace is the fact that it is well over three-hundred years old, and has the oldest continuing charter in the nation.  Settled in 1614 and incorporated in 1686, it boasts a population of around one-hundred thousand people. 

According to Wikipedia, “Albany is the oldest surviving settlement of the original British thirteen colonies north of Virginia.”  Indeed, there are many historical sites that you can visit, but let’s face it, who wants to live in the past? All of the so-called “attractions” in Albany are pathetic and outdated.  I get that Albany is three-hundred years old, but come on, catch up with the times1

Why, you can go bowling at several places and you can go to a combined arcade and bowling alley at the Crossgates Mall.  You can go see movies.  You can do a lot of things.  During the day.

When nighttime falls, things close in Albany, just like most anywhere else.  Despite the fact that Albany is the state’s capital, there aren’t that many things to do in the middle of the night like you can in Las Vegas or rat-infested New York City.

Lobo probably made the comment to refer to the lack of a night life and she is absolutely right.  About the only things open twenty-four hours a day are a few fast food joints.  Things start shutting down at eight o’clock.

Even so, Albany’s scumbag mayor, one Kathy Sheehan, felt the need to tell the world just exactly how she felt about Lobo’s harmless comment:

“There’s plenty to do if you take take the time to look,” she whined on X.  She pointed to Albany’s old museums, restaurants and “a basketball game or two downtown.”  She went on to invite Lobo to see what she was talking about. “Let’s take a ride before you leave town.  Happy to show you all there is to see and do.”

It’s blatantly obvious that Sheehan, who, upon occasion, slithers into my Catholic parish, is talking out of her ass, which is one of her few talents.  Sure, she’s right about the things to see, but what she doesn’t want you to know is that so do other cities and they do it better.  Soho’s comment has ruffled some feathers, but Sheehan, deep down in that slimeball heart of hers, knows that Soho was right.  That must eat her up inside.  And I laugh.

With experience guiding me, I can honestly say that Albany’s police officers and detectives work in concert with county law enforcement to assault citizens who are having seizures.  Is that a city that you want to visit?  If you have seizures, stay far away from Albany.

Yes, a lot of people have their panties in a twist over this supposed insult, but they take themselves and Albany in general way too seriously.  People should just accept Lobo’s comment as constructive criticism and instead of playing the victim card, they should work to make Albany a nighttime-friendly city.

I’ve lived here in Albany since 2013 and I’ve known since then that Albany is a boring city no matter what time of day it is, so Lobo doesn’t offend me.  In fact, she said what I, and many others, are thinking so kudos to her.  Anyone who crapped their diapers over this needs to get a humor injection.

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