My frequent visitors have read about my DNR/MOLST paperwork, which, simply put, makes it known that I am to be given no medical aid, even if my breathing and, logic follows, heart stops. I take it very seriously, so much so that I carry the necessary paperwork on me at all times, along with a DNR bracelet. Well, it turns out that not every medical professional knows about that.
This week, I was taken by ambulance to a local hospital after collapsing at work after being hit with multiple seizures, pretty much back to back. I don’t remember asking for an ambulance, but maybe I did. Had I been in a competent state, I surely would never have requested one. The last thing I want is medical transportation and care.
On Tuesday, I did have my paperwork in my back pocket and I did have my bracelet. I was in and out on my way to the hospital, but one of the EMT’s didn’t recognize the bracelet until I told him that I have DNR and MOLST paperwork and that I was invoking that paperwork. He admitted that he didn’t notice and that could have had dangerous implications for me.
I did what I was supposed to do and if I’d stopped breathing, he would have initiated medical care, against my wishes. That both scares and enrages me. Because I don’t want to get him in trouble, as both he and his partner were otherwise awesome, I won’t name the ambulance company. I will soon be approaching them to advise them of what happened and I will let them know that their personnel apparently need to be taught something so basic.
As a result of that error, I am now going to wear not only that DNR bracelet, but a DNR necklace as well. That necklace will now include that DNR pendant as well as one advising that I have a VNS device and cannot have an MRI until my magnet is taken off my wrist and until that device is temporarily deactivated. That and my crucifix, on a separate necklace, will now become part of my daily wardrobe.
I am grateful that I did not stop breathing and that my heart did not stop. If I had, that EMT would have attempted to save my life and that cannot stand, at least not for me. As a Catholic, I am supposed to accept “ordinary care” because life is not ours, it’s God’s. The Church does not force “extraordinary” care. They simply force “ordinary” care. I understand that and respect that.
So, then, the problem is agreeing upon what’s ordinary and what’s extraordinary. My priest and I seem to have a difference of opinion as to which is which. For example, my MOLST makes it clear that I am not to be intubated or given a feeding tube. Apparently, the feeding tube is considered ordinary and I consider it extraordinary.
My priest is in harmony with Pope John Paul I’s teachings in regards to administering food and water to the sick. That pope said that feeding tubes are to be considered ordinary care. I can’t go against a pope, now can I?
Even so, my instructions are to prevent hospital staff from doing anything except giving “comfort care,” which is the only form of care that I cannot opt out of in this state. That enrages me. I want nothing from anyone in any hospital and in any situation. I cannot express that strongly enough.
I have things documented to the point that, if it gets to that point, I am to die alone. I have made it clear that no one is to be in the room with me except my priest and essential hospital personnel. That means family, even my wife, is forbidden to be in the room with me. When it is my time to die, I want to do so absolutely alone.
In my particular situation and with my medical matters, I consider any sort of medical care to be extraordinary, especially CPR/AED and so forth. That is why I invoked my paperwork on Tuesday and the doctor had no choice under state law but to let me walk out of the hospital.
Had I stayed in the hospital, I absolutely would have been admitted and I would have stayed for days, maybe even a week, considering that my a-fib showed up again, and that’s a potentially fatal condition that could cause death or a stroke that would cripple me and make me wish for death. Therefore, I walked out after humoring the doctor by letting her do a blood draw and letting her nurse give me a bag of IV medication.
Despite the fact that they wanted to keep me because of having least five seizures (two at work, two in the ambulance and one while being wheeled into the hospital) in close succession and because of the very obvious a-fib, I still left, as is my right under state law. I have absolutely no interest in receiving extraordinary care, which to me is any form of life-saving measure.
Obviously, the Catholic Church begs to differ, so this may be a situation where I might wind up in hell over my decisions in this matter. I recognize that I may be ineligible for last rites. I understand all the risks involved concerning my life, both physical and spiritual. I cannot in good conscience rescind my DNR and MOLST documents. If that means bad things are awaiting me after I slip away from this brief, temporary physical existence, then I guess I’ll just have to accept my punishment.
Do not misunderstand me: I am not suicidal. I do not want to die. I am not a coward like Albany Police Department officer Jan Mika was.
If I did wish to die, after all, I can assure you that I’d already be dead and not blogging about it. I simply don’t want anyone playing the hero by taking active measures to save my life. Humanity went thousands of years without such care, so I think it’s perfectly reasonable for me to refuse any and all life-saving measures.
As for that EMT, I will absolutely be following up. I am not interested in getting anyone in trouble. All I want is for the ambulance company involved to ensure that its first responders know to check for a bracelet before initiating CPR or any similar form of medical intervention. It takes all of one second to check for that bracelet.
Now, to be fair, he did break out his tablet and put my DNR in my patient profile should I need transport again. However, in an emergency, the tablet will not be the first step. That’s why the bracelet is key.
Hopefully, the company’s personnel already know about the bracelet and I just happened to get a newbie. Had I been clinically dead, I may have had my basic rights trampled upon and that is what enrages me. And no, the company involved is not Mohawk. I long ago contacted them and ensured that their personnel know to check for that bracelet. This company? I will soon find out.
Because of that well-meaning EMT’s admission, I will now wear that pendant. It should be a call to the first responder to check my wrist and then to obtain my paperwork from my back pocket. Once that person does that, any and all medical care will be halted and they will essentially be escorting my dead body to the hospital, which will then send me to the morgue.
All of this may sound depressing, but I can assure you that I am at peace and am happy with my decision in regards to this. Thankfully, the doctor and nurses at the hospital were all aware of the paperwork and they all did exactly the right thing: they respected my documents and acted quickly to honor the paperwork.
When I contact the ambulance company, I will do so with the goal of not getting anyone in trouble, especially an EMT who meant well but who was ignorant of a basic step in the process. He meant well. He was awesome, but he needs to be retrained on that. All I want out of this is for the company to ensure its people are trained properly and that those people will act without hesitation.
If you happen to be a first responder here in New York and you aren’t aware of the bracelet and its requirements, then run, don’t walk, to your supervisor and get properly trained. I can assure you that if any first responder fails to respect my bracelet and my life is saved as a result, there will be legal action, both criminal (assault) and civil.