What better way for me to start 2026 by mocking and looking down upon others? I did it in 2025 and I will boldly continue to do so in this, the newly-minted year that we shall call 2026! Who’s in my crosshairs right now? People from the southern portion of the United States, known simply as “the South.”
Look, I’m okay with the inbreeding. Just looking at one of them shows evidence of that and it’s free game for mocking, so what’s not to like? Then there’s the poor dental care. What about all those trailer perks and their poor education? There’s a lot to laugh at there, but there’s something that is not a laughing matter: poor grammar.
Come on. You know what I’m talking about! If you don’t, permit me to give you some examples:
- The word “ain’t.” As my mother put it, ain’t ain’t a word, so you ain’t going to use it! I’m sure that her mother taught her that and her mother before her. My grandmother smacked down, metaphorically speaking, any use of poor grammar on my part. You can bet the farm that I quickly learned to use proper grammar by not saying this word. How it’s become acceptable throughout the country is beyond me.
- “I’m fixin’ to…” While the rest of the country, those of us who are actually educated, says, “I’m going to,” or “I’m about to,” they say things like, “I’m fixin’ to smack her!” I mean, seriously!
- Instead of the properly-educated “I saw him,” they say, “I seen him.” Such poor grammar is appalling!
- Instead of saying, “Hey, everybody!” they say, “Hey, y’all!” Disgusting!
- Double or multiple negatives. You know, “ain’t no way,” instead of, “there is no way.” There are frightening sentences such as, “I ain’t got no time for that,” instead of the proper, “I have no time for that.”
The list, unfortunately, goes on and on. Since I refuse to say, “I ain’t got no time to write a novel here,” I will instead say that I have no time to write a novel here. I think I’ve given you enough examples that you understand the point that I am trying to get across.
What do I do whenever I encounter someone who speaks or writes in those ways? I disengage, even if it means that I have to walk away while the person is still talking. I refuse to extend any courtesy to those people who can’t use proper English. Of course, there are examples. One instance where I can forgive poor grammar is when people are learning English as a second language.
Take, for example, the Dutch. I have a Dutch friend. He, of course, speaks fluent Dutch while I learned it as a third language (English, American Sign Language and Dutch). He therefore overlooks it when I perhaps slaughter a Dutch sentence. In turn, I ignore times when he makes a minor but notable grammatical error.
The Dutch learn Dutch, English and French in order to graduate their version of high school, so of course there will be times when their English is less than perfect. I can overlook that.
What I can’t overlook is Americans who can’t or won’t use proper grammar. I suppose we can’t really blame the people from the south. Many are inbred and many more are poorly educated if educated at all. Even so, there is never an excuse to drag your knuckles and say things like, “I ain’t seen him in a powerful long time!” When those people say it amongst themselves, they understand one another.
Me? My brain hurts whenever I talk to someone from that portion of our otherwise fine country. As a result, I simply won’t engage. Whenever I detect a southern accent, I walk away, hang up or do whatever else needs to be done to escape such slothfulness.
If anything, the southerners are good for one thing and one thing only: being the butt of merciless jokes, because after all, the south is a joke.