Frequent visitors to this site know about my health issues. I was initially diagnosed with colon cancer, but that turned out to be not quite right. Instead, what I have is a bowel obstruction. A severe one that will likely kill me by way of septic shock.
As I’ve stated before, the only way to come out of this alive is to get surgery, something that should have happened a long time ago. Instead, I have experienced a slight problem: as of the time this article was published, I have not had a bowel movement in the past four weeks.
As for the surgery, I have made the decision to eschew any form of surgery, something that would almost certainly save my life. The reason for the refusal is simple: quality of life. If I get the surgery, I will be taking a huge risk.
If something goes wrong, the surgeon gets to go home with no side effects. Me? I’d be stuck with a colostomy bag for the rest of my life. I am simply not willing to take that chance, even if that means dying sooner rather than later.
Since it looks as though death is on its way, I have come up with some simple requests for when I do actually die. The appropriate funeral arrangements have been made with a local funeral home. This way, all that one needs to do is make one phone call and it will all be taken care of.
So what are my final wishes, specifically in regards to disposing of my body? Here are a few of them:
- I do not want a funeral or memorial service.
- I do not want a graveside service.
- I want to be buried with no one at my grave site. Just put my casket into the ground with no one present.
- Given that I have a DNR and MOLST that is valid here in New York state, I want absolutely no life-saving measures to be taken.
- I want to die alone with Nearer, My God, To Thee paying on a loop. I do not want visits from family or friends, meaning that the only people I want in my hospital or hospice room are my priest for last rites and essential hospital personnel such as doctors or nurses.
- I do not want an obituary to be published.
I think that the above things are reasonable and I see no reason for those wishes to be dishonored.
So when will I die? It could be days, weeks or months, but I can feel my body start to shut down as my waste builds up in my body and as my body tries in vain to fight off the effects of that. I am in constant pain and discomfort and I know that I still have a chance to avoid death if I just get the surgery. I will still say no to that.
As for the purposes of articles pertaining to this subject matter, I am not seeking sympathy, nor am I fishing for financial donations. In fact, any and all donations will either be immediately returned, or will be donated to a worthy and legitimate charity.
Yes, this is a depressing topic to discuss, but I want to share as much of my journey as possible without going into details. I think that the material that currently exists on my website is now sufficient and the subject will now be dropped.
I do have an article written that is set to be published once my death actually occurs. Here’s hoping that that article becomes published sooner rather than later. No, this isn’t about suicide and no, I am not in crisis. I’m merely trying to end the suffering.